walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
