I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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