I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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