So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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