I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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