It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
