i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize