Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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