I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
