a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
