Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
