Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Boobs are out for the taking
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
