our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
