24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
