I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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