Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
