I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
