I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
