Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You are the jesus of drinking
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
