Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
