I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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