I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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