I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
