covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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