If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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