I need help removing her.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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