Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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