Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
