Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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