i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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