last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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