dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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