I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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