Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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