I faked an abortion last night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize