My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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