Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
