My first STD was from a foam party
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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