So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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