My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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