Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
