Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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