You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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