Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Houston, we have a blender
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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