my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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