I cannot find my penis.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
