No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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