He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
