It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
