Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
