ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
