I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
