Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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