Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Did I show you my penis last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
