Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
