So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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