guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
