sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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